Accepting Help

  Founding Editor, Jim Hammitt, writing in the March 1996 issue of Mainstream, observes that, although few able bodied people seem to have problems asking for help, accepting the fact that they need help and accepting it is one of the hardest things most people with disabilities face. But as he also observes, the ones who can seek and accept help when it's needed are the ones who tend to succeed in their life goals.

  Traditionally, most disabled people are fiercely independent. Maybe it's because their disability has taken away some of their independence against their will and fierce independence may be a reaction. Or maybe it's a feeling that we lose too much self control when we rely on others for some of our needs.

  Another possibility is that disability engenders a "victim" mentality that leads to a poor self image. As we all know, it takes a certain degree of self confidence to not feel diminished when we ask for and accept help. Hammitt observes that false pride forces many people with disabilities to put their public image ahead of their real needs.

  Regardless of the cause, failure to seek and accept help can be thought of as a disability in itself. Any attitude or behavior that inhibits us from reaching our goals and that we assume voluntarily could be thought of as a disability. In our case, amputation is a significant enough disability. We don't need to handicap ourselves further in our quest for a full and happy life.

  Help is available from both public and private sources. The private sources are our families, friends and fellow support group members. The public ones are the many private organizations and public agencies that exist provide services to people with disabilities The help is there, waiting to be used.

  In the case of family and friends, the helper usually gets as many rewards from providing help as the receiver gets. That describes a true win-win situation. In the case of the public sources, in many cases our taxes and philanthropy have already funded a ready reserve of assistance. Does it make sense not to use it freely?

  Hammitt proposes an interesting method to find help he calls the "Rule of Tens." It goes like this: When you decide you could use assistance, sitdown and make a list of ten names of individuals and organizations you think might help--the first ten that come to mind. At this point you're interested in information only. Contact each of the names on your list. Tell them what you need. You can be surprised if you don't come away from this exercise with a longer list of names and phone numbers, some of which will be able to satisfy your needs completely. If you don't, write down ten more names and start over again.

Your friends with amputations should always head your list. Networking is one accepted way to get what you need in this world, and people with amputations form support groups and networks having considerable knowledge and ability. Why not let your network pay off for you?